Dear Diane: I have a close friend now in her 50s whom I met 10years ago when we both worked for the same company. She was pleasantand industrious. We remained friends after we both went elsewhere,she because of personnel reductions at the company. Almostsimultaneously she lost both her parents.
Somewhere along the line, she began drinking heavily and wasreduced to working on temporary jobs. She joined AlcoholicsAnonymous, but frequently went on drinking without seeking thegroup's aid.
Last week I supplied bail after she hit a parked car. She wascharged with drunken driving and leaving the scene of an accident.She had been on her way to a liquor store.
Her life is a mess. Her car needs repair, she does not know anattorney and has no money to pay one. Should she lose her license,as seems probable, her ability to find employment will be badlyimpaired.
My friend seems overwhelmed by events. She listens to advice,but does nothing. She has a history of depression, and I would notforgive myself should she take desperate action.
My question is this: Her brother lives in a nearby state, but hestill believes she is employed and well. Should I call him and tellhim what has happened?
My husband says I should stay out of it because alcoholics mustfind their own way. SPEAK OR STAND SILENT?
Dear Speak: Your friend is one of the growing number of womenwho are afflicted with alcoholism. As is sadly true for manyalcoholics of both sexes, the disease has affected her jobperformance and thus her finances, and may lead to convictions ofserious offenses.
Alcoholism is no longer her only problem. She needs immediatehelp with her legal and financial problems, and then long-term helpwith alcoholism.
Contact her brother, but because of her history of depression,don't discuss your intentions in advance; tell your friend soonafterward of your call. Also telephone your local Legal Aid Societyor county bar association to get names of lawyers who mightrepresent her in the court proceedings. Give these names to yourfriend and (unless her brother intervenes) if you are willing, helpher contact a lawyer.
Because you care about your friend, encourage her to attendAlcoholics Anonymous meetings and to find professional help for herdepression, if appropriate.
Your friend has a lot of mountains to climb. Perhaps all sheneeds to begin climbing the first one is a little more help from afriend.
Dear Diane: I have been going out with my boyfriend for almostthree years now. We are pre-engaged and have picked out anengagement ring.
A few months ago his parents filed for bankruptcy. This brokemy boyfriend's heart. His family turned to him and now he is buyingan apartment building so that his parents and teenage brother canhave a place to live.
My boyfriend has lost all interest in getting married because hethinks he, too, will go bankrupt. I am trying to be understandingbut it is hard when you think that the apartment building he isbuying could be a down payment on our dream house.
I don't know if I am being too self-centered about this wholematter, but I'm afraid I am going to lose him over something hisparents did.
HEARTBROKEN
Dear Heartbroken: Consider yourself lucky to be pre-engaged tosuch a sensitive and sensible guy. If he shows such concern for hisparents and brother, don't you think he'll have the same attitudetoward his own family once he is married?
You seem to be not only self-centered but also shortsighted.The apartment building could produce income and increase in valuesufficiently to give you your dream home and an apartment building.
If you lose him, I don't think it will be over something thathis parents did. Take a minute to reflect on what you are doing.
Send letters to Dear Diane, Box 3254, Chicago 60654.
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